April 14, 2005

Soylent Green...Could It Happen?

Who could forget the movie Soylent Green? Charlton Heston in a futuristic drama about overpopulation and food shortages...and Heston's character's horrifying discovery that the remarkable food substance "soylent green" is made up of the dearly departed.

Well, now we have the Cannibal Flesh Donor Program. I kid you not! There is a movement to get people to donate their flesh upon their death to this, er, program, and the food would then be donated to stores, fast food restaurants, and so on.

Unfortunately, we cannot presently offer official donor status. This is due to the fact that the program is currently in its infancy, and we have no one signed on to take our donated flesh at the present time. At the moment, our main goals are establishing a solid basis of support for the program and acquiring legal recognition as a non-profit environmental organization, which could open doors for funding. Once the program has enough support, we will begin lobbying for the legalization of human meat and petitioning restaurants/fast food chains/grocery stores to accept our donations.

Yuck! Do they really think people would eat other people? Matt Stata, a 23-year-old vegan from Canada who is behind the program, thinks it's a great way to stop the "species holocaust" that is happening with today's meat eaters.

As for the objection that legalizing the consumption of human flesh would cause an upswing of serial murderers, the Website has this pithy rejoinder:

Actually, we maintain that this program will have the opposite result. A utilitarian approach to cannibalism such as the one we propose would effectively remove the taboo and fetishism from the act of eating another human, and eventually, make the consumption of human flesh as commonplace as eating animal flesh is now. Presumably, this objection is more concerned with the crime of murder than with the act of consuming another human being. If human meat is readily available, then the need to kill another person for a meal no longer exists.

Um, hate to break it to you guys, but most serial killers kill for the sake of killing...not eating. There aren't many Jeffrey Dahmers out there, thank goodness.

If nothing else, you can join the mailing list for further developments in this noble quest...that is, as soon as the mailing list materializes. Remember, this program is "in its infancy," and the backers are looking for caring people like YOU to make it happen.

Oh, and don't forget the salt!

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